She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
