DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
