Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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