I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
