My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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