I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
