I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
