May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
