its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
