Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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