Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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