One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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