my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
