i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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