Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
