I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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