I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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