remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
