I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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