Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
