i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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