I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
