It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
