Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
