just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Life is so much better after having sex.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
