If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
