is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
