I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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