Umm I'm too high to move.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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