i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
