just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to make out with him forever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
