Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
