windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
