I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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