I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
