:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
