I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
