I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
