idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
