just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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