she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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