I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
