We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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