The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
