I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
