I think scott just propositioned me for sex
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
