Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
