Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
