If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
