The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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