YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
