Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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