thus making me awesome and them whores
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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