He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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