Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
