I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
