Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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