do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
