the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
