I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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