i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
