I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
