i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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