awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
