After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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