Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
