Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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