You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
