It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
