Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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