I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
