ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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