what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
