Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
