I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do herpes really smell.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
