my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
