you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
