There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
