i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
